we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize