why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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