I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
