i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
