We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
