Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
