I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize