the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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