Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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