Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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