So gin and wine won't be happening again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize