I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
