So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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