Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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