Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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