Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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