Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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