Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
