yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize