the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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