i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
