Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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