so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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