; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
