final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
