oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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