well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
