this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
