threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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