She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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