Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
