The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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