Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
