Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
