So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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