Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
