dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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