i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
