So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
