My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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