so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
