Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize