I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
