So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
