you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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