I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
