he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this will be a night to untag.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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