ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
