1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
