every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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