id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
