Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
