writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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