Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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