I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
