Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
