Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
