Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize